My NoT sO PeRfEcT LiFe…

i’ve been wanting to write this…siguro a month ago na… but i was
consumed by so many emotions and thoughts and fears and new things that
i just can’t sit infront of my computer nor laptop and just carry on…

5
years ago, i met this people. crazy bunch we are. do you know the
saying that "birds of the same feathers, flock together"? I beg to
differ for this group. originally there were 10 of us. one guy lang. si
justice yun. there was me, christine, jade, tina, joice, paulette,
bianca, yish and melo. we were blockmates. its funny, it was during the
orientation that we all met… and we are all different from each other
but that very day, we all clicked. but then so many things happened
that we were left with 8 na lang… let me describe each one to you the
best of my knowledge and to try to make it a one liner lang…try lang
ha…allow me to start to those who first left….

JADE- frank. speaks her mind. intelligent. never wasted one moment of her young days. always busy (if u know what i mean)

CHRISTINE
- religious. fighter. independent. used to be super simpkeng promdi to
now hot and gorgeous amerikana. also speaks her mind. moody.

KAY
- well this is me and i refuse to describe myself hahahaha. often
judged as a snob party girl and everybody thought would be the 1st one
to get married (sorry to disappoint u guys)

JOICE -  eto promdi
talaga nung time na yun. friendly. simple pero bastos. always the
perfectionist and the number one critic to  the men of our lives.
forever single. hahaha never been….

TINA - perky. friendly.
mabenta sa mga guys hehehe lalo na yung mga mattangkad… (u know what
i mean) sweet. super payat nun pero nagkalaman na.

PAULETTE -
the baby of the group has been and will always be. don’t make her drink
ice tea or else… sweet. despite being a baby, you can depend on her.

BIANCA
- our pep friend. popular one. naku, madami din story ang life ni
bianca… the one who’s always not around but whenever she is, punong
puno ng kwento.

MELO - sweet. ever thougthful.. the best magluto sa lahat. super friendly din.

yes,
this is our group. this is a friendship that stood the test of time.
don’t be fooled. we don’t regularly see each other. its quite
impossible now because Jade and Christine are no longer around and we
are a;; working now and have so many things to think about…

but
what i want to say is that this group, though different in so many ways
stand by each other all the time. no. not all of us are super close to
each and everyone but trust this group that when one has a problem,
everybody is there for that person… and i’m a living proof of that.
alam nyo in a year we only get to see each other like 10 times or even
less.  but when we get together its like we never really had a day
apart from the other.

this group has stand the test of time,
despite the distance, despite the problems that came our way…family,
financial, and yes, the men who became a part of our lives.. we never
left each others side…

this is a friendship that nothing and no one can break apart….or so we hope and pray.

follow this 

this is for me, joice and tina….

Ako and tina we both know who we want to dedicate this song to, what about you joice? kanino hehehe hindi na pwede ung isa kasi hindi na apporpriate. hehehehe ….

i suppose those guys have atleast a slight idea that its them we are talking about. kung wala eh ewan ko na lang hahahaha

Song: One Fine Day Lyrics
One fine day
You’ll look at me
And you will know our love was
Meant to be
One fine day
You’re gonna want me for your girl
The arms I long for
Will open wide
And you’ll be proud to have me
By your side
One fine day
You’re gonna want me for your girl
Though I know you’re the
Kind of boy
Who only wants to run around
I’ll keep waiting and
Someday darling
You’ll come to me when you want to settle down oh
One fine day
We’ll meet once more
And then you’ll want the love you
Threw away before
One fine day
You’re gonna want me for your girl
One fine day
We’ll meet once more
And then you’ll want the love you
Threw away before
One fine day
You’re gonna want me for your girl

I’ve been wanting to write again after that storm that I conquered…but time was doing me favor of keeping so damn busy the past few weeks that I just can’t find the time and inspiration to just sit and face my computer and just write….

Precisely the reason why I don’t want to do this for a living dear friends, I’ll starve to death because there are more times that I just don’t feel like writing, like no matter how long I stare at my screen no words just won’t come out.

The past few weeks has been an experience for me, some totally new and some, well still new hehehe…

It seems like for the first time in years, I am actually living my life… less the guilt of not being able to go home early and just sit there and watch those telenovelas that I’ve become addicted to eversince, well, ever since I guess, was that “maria clara” started. And after which a new telenovela comes out and I get hook.

I’ve conquered my fear of driving home alone late at night after going out with friends… it was fun. I was having fun and that’s what mattered that time. My sisters are laughing at me, they said I’m such a late bloomer. Well, so what, this are the things I never got the chance to do and enjoy on my younger days….but as we all say, everything happens for a reason, perhaps, God willed me to enjoy all of this just now because He knew im more responsible now and I already now what I am doing. I should, heck, im 27  years old!

You know, there are so many thoughts going over my head right now and I can’t pin point just which I want to write down and which I want to talk about first…and I’m pretty sure, by the end of this whatever, I wouldn’t be able to convey everything…im just not good at that, expressing myself well…maybe that’s the reason why I am often misunderstood…hehehe my fault.

So just bear with me whoever you are reading this post right now… you are reading because you are curious of what drama I could possibly write again… or what heartbreaking story  I have to tell again… well, just be glad to know that I am trying to shy away from writing such depressing thoughts this time around.

I want to write happy thoughts. Happy events. Just plain, simple and happy…this is a come what may post so once again bear with me. Im just jotting down whatever comes to my mind, no matter if it makes sense or not.

Interestingly, I met a lot of people the past few days, weeks actually that I spent going out. People from all walks of life..people who’s thoughts and emotions and ideas matter. It’s nice to have good conversation and a couple of meaningless, useless talks, that we do just to let time pass. But I was having fun, I was enjoying each and everyone’s company. I find myself coming out of my shell and just enjoying the moment, actually living the moment. Ad I’m just glad I went out to meet those people…its amazing actually.

I did  a couple of things that I never thought id be capable of doing. My really good friends, im sure they would know what this is all about…  *wink* *wink *   * wink *  but, im sorry to say. I did it and it was a damn good feeling! Ha ha ha! Joice, impluwensya mo lahat ito ha ha ha!!!

Then, just when I thought everything was going smoothly and perfectly fine with my life…someone just can’t seem to accept that fact. You know that I am happy and well…news flash kids, IM OKAY. IM FINE AND I’VE MOVED ON…please do so too. Both of you.  Stop asking about me and of what I think of you and your people… because believe it or not, we don’t talk about you. We’ve got better things to talk about than you and whoever. PLEASE LEAVE ME ALONE.  I am so much better now and glad that you are out of my life. I have finally seen the light and sorry, there’s just no point of making you my friend now or ever. So let me be. You’ve made your choice and so have i. Let the people be and let them do what they want with their lives, stop minding everybody’s lives. You’re pathetic.

Then, there are a couple of people  that I admire now…for their courage, for their fighting spirits, for their determination, for their success and still drive for it. I admire then for what they have achieved and still getting now. I admire them period. No explanation needed. Hehe

Then there are those that are so annoyingly happy (kidding!) with their lives right now. Those who’s found completeness in their lives..and its so annoying to see them glowing and happy and giddy and all that talking about their life… ha ha ha… I am happy for you guys believe it or not. I envy you for having the family, the life, the love, the joy and completeness you are having now… kakainggit…but I am happy for you, for being so blessed and all. Just don’t mess around okay?

Okay I am so not making sense anymore. Basta, bottomline is..i am happy…I sincerely am. Maybe not complete but happy…yes, there still is a part of me that feels empty every once in a while, but you know, when I think about it, perhaps this is just what I need right now… me time… me time to discover and know and appreciate me for a change. I’ve always been thinking bout other people. What I can do to make them happy, what I can do to make them feel complete. What I can do for them to find that peace of mind…and so many what can I do for them lines…this time, not being selfish and all, but im starting to pamper myself, im starting to love myself more than ever. Im starting to appreciate myself now… and it’s a wonderful  feeling…surely is…

I’m changing my life, im now doing things I don’t normally do, it’s not a bad thing though, not “those” kind of things. But things I’ve set aside for so long, delaying doing them and pretending I still have all the time in the world. I grew up. And I realized that life is indeed short. One has to make the most out of it. And that’s what I intend to do now….

Cheers! Cheers! Cheers!

for the past weeks i have been living the life…and all i can say is that i’m enjoying every minute of it….

people
keep on asking me how i am…. and all the time i say "im okay" because
i really am. thank you for being concern and for all the love and care
that you have showed me. i really appreciate everything…

it’s
so nice to get my life back…and a better life it is that i have
now… everything’s balanced. i have time for my family, my friends, my
work and me time. and it feels so nice and good.

i enjoy the
time i’m now spending with my friends whom i lost track with for quite
some time now. and it feels good to be part of their world and lives
once again. and to see who are real and would stay with you.

i’ve
been to places i’ve never been before, i travelled places i never
thought of going at because of the distance. but it was a good thing.
it was nice to be someplace you’ve never been before. i’ve met people
from all walks of life. and it was fun. the people i’ve met lately are
people from different profession. people you’d think would be so stiff
and serious turned out to be crazy and all… people you think would be
a snob because of their status in life turned out to be more kenkoy and
baliw than orinary people are. bottomline is, this change is good for
me. very good actually… as one person nicely put it "you grow your
network, meet friends of friends, that will help you a lot, with
business, social et al" and it sure did. opportunities came and still
are coming now

and its also nice to have a balanced life. you
know to keep you grounded and sane. the friends i have now. they are
balanced. a mixture of gold and silver and bronze. it’s a perfect mix
for my life now…

basta, bottomline, i saw my worth. my
importance and my capabilities. and that’s all that matters. and i’m
having fun and living the life. a much better life now.

For those who are probably wondering where my previous blogs are….one word

DELETED.

i
just thought that since im starting once again a new phase in my life,
it’s just but time to let go of the past…yes, the past that has been
holding me for so long…i know this is what i have to do in order for
me to move on with my life completely…

without the hurts, the bitterness and the angers of the past…

yes i’ve hold on to those for the longest time….now it’s gone…
of
course the good ones remained, the friends i’ve made through it all
remains in my heart and in my life, for without you people, i wouldn’t
realize my worth and importance and i wouldn’t be the person that i am
now if not because of you all…

"you’re aura is so different
now from the last i saw you….meaning december of last year…" this
came from a friend i see practically everyday….

yes, it must be different now for i’ve had a change of perspective…

once again, this i say…

no regrets of the past only lessons learned…the hard way…

as they all say, i’m coming from the bottom so there is no way to go but up…

thanks to the people who took time to read my blogs…you inspire me…

and yes maybe, i’d take a suggestion or two and do a sideline… he he he

Last Monday was Lola’s 2nd year death anniversary. I wanted to write this last Monday pa but my schedule didn’t allow me to do so…

We went to Mass last Sunday because we know that we can’t all go for Monday Mass and we visited her na that day as well. …

Now that i’m writing this, many emotions are coming out… on things for sure, I MISS HER SO MUCH! while we were at church, i suddenly had a vision of lola and me. I remember those first Sunday masses wherein we go to church as early as 7am to attend the Mass being officiated by Mons. Manahan and the whole CWL group. After the mass aalalayan ko si lola papunta sa taas to have their monthly meeting, it will start with a prayer and then a brithday song for all the celebrants of that month. I remember viewing lola, she’s always seated alongside with the officers because she was their consultant. My lola, whom everytime she goes out, looks at us and smiles and ask "pantay ba?" ( referring to her blush on) or saying "maganda na ba lola nyo?" i felt like crying while we were at the church…

Then we went home to have lunch. Again, i miss lola. i looked around the house and asked myself, what would lola say or feel if she sees the house now? it’s totally renovated, though we kept the structure and a lot of materials pa din. would she like it? would she like the new garden? or the fact that we are putting a mini pool on our once kitchen? or would she approve that aiko and i are now using her room? i’d like to think that she approves and is happy with how the old house looks now….

while we were having lunch, again i remembered lola, how sobrang sarap nya kumain ng nagkakamay irregardless of what the ulam is… and then i remember how she laughs whenever she sees macky and say kamukhang kamukha ni vandolph si macky. only macky can make her laugh that way. i so miss her. how we make kwento and laugh during lunch or dinner.

I can see her face right now. how alive and happy it was before she was hospitalized. how i miss that face. that same smile that welcomes us whenever we go home to bulcan every week ends and she asks us " kamusta?" and she says " andyan na pala kayo" which kami, her apo’s ever pilosopo would answer "maganda pa rin po kami" or ‘ hindi lola, wala pa kami" on which she’ll reply "mga damuhong to" and then we’ll all laugh…

and then, i went up to my papa’s office last sunday. i checked out his door leading to the printing… there i saw lola’s chair. yung black na lazy boy. whom she alone uses because of tons of reasons =) hay lola, i still can’t accept that you’re not here anymore….

then i remember how lola use to baby me, when i was a kid, about mj’s age or younger. whenever lola goes out to but tela for her new dress, its automatic, i will have a new skirt or shorts matching hers or sometimes even a dress… i also remeber the times she picks me and macky from school.  or at the time that kuya alvin, ate che and kuya ed would tease me ’sipsip’ because im always at lola’s kandungan, resting my head on her tummy. i remember sleeping beside her at her room. those were the days of my childhood with lola. growing up, she’s always been so supportive of me and my siblings, she would give us extra money whenever we leave for school, or whenever she asked us to buy something for her she’ll give us the change. oh how she loves chowking’s halo-halo! and Max’s fried chicken, and there was even a time she was addicted to Kenny Rogers… hay lola, did you have to leave so soon?

but lola, if there is something that i am most thankful of, it’s the fact that you were able to see me grow…i am proud that i was able to make you proud, elementary you were all able to go up the stage for me, high school you were there to see me graduate, and college, you were still there… up until i opened my own business,despite having a hard time walking, you were there at the opening  to see me… and i can’t thank you enough for all the support you have given me… and i know that eventhough when i opened the spa at Katipunan months after you passed away, i felt your presence there. I know even from afar you are there to support me… and i love you very much. my only regret is that my sisters… aiko, you didn’t see her graduate from high school, though i know you wanted to coz you promised her and maika, you werent able to be there for her debut which i know you promised to shoulder the bills. but still i know you were there on those very special occassions. i want to cry right now, i don’t know if i still make sense… but i do miss you lola….

i just want you to know that even if its been two years or twenty years, you will always remain alive in our hearts… i know that the family is not very okay right now, but don’t worry lola, someday all your wishes and hopes for them will come true. don’t worry anymore, wherever you are, don’t be sad for us… i know you’ll be praying for us, please do kasi mas malapait ka na sa Kanya. I know you are happy now, sabi mo nga kasma mo na si lolo…

we miss you lola, we love you very much….. till we meet again..

i just love this, very uplifting and inspiring to all women out there….

" The Hebrew Talmud says: be very carefull if you make a woman cry because God counts her tears. the woman came out of a man’s rib, not from his feet to be walked on. Not from his head to be superior of, but from the side to be equal with. Under the arm to be protected for and next to the heart to be loved."