My NoT sO PeRfEcT LiFe…

A BIRTHDAY
THOUGHT….

Its
that time of the year again…I stop. I think. I reflect. Another year passed
me by just like that…but as i am thinking about all the things that happened
the past year, I can’t help but say… wow.

Why?
Because I just realized, a lot of things happened…and it all happened so
fast. In fact some of it seems like a blur to me now…

It’s
funny, it was around this time also when I celebrated my birthday in Bulacan
and telling everybody that it would be my last in the Philippines…so people
came…and after that party, I kind of thought it wouldn’t be the last after
all… plans were made but plans were cancelled as well… so i went on with my
daily routine…home, work, home… complain about my job, complain about my
life…but God has ways of making the ordinary become extraordinary… Christmas
came and it was that time that my car was damaged by some crazy people while I
was hearing mass. What a great way to celebrate Christmas eve right?! Then new year, then Valentine’s day… Oh my,
my worst Valentine ever… ha ha ha I know my friends would be laughing when we
reminisce about that day… it was absolutely surreal ha ha ha! And then my
sister turned 18…after that, several things happened that’s not worth
remembering anymore… after a while, i met someone who up to now is one of the
most important people in my life…that person made me see life in a different
perspective…

I
know you’ll probably read this but I remember something you said before and it stocked
in our heads… “ Good opportunities
knocks only once”  that line became
so famous to us… because up to now, we live by it… by now you already know
who you are he he he. And I can’t believe how it feels like I shared so much
with you already when we only got to spend a few days together. But with all
honesty, I’m glad I met you, whatever plans God may have for bringing you in my
life at that moment, I am thankful He did. Because you are the reason ( now im
sure of that ) why I was able to bounce back and become strong again… stay
stuck okay?

So,
after that I never thought my plans would ever push through…I was about to
give up and just accept the fact that its just not meant to happen…. but I
know God listens, because He knows whats in my heart…and so now, I am
here…where I am right now… and God made things fall into places. It may not
still be smooth and perfect but I do know that this is the start of the fulfilment
of my dreams…

It’s
kind of hard spending my birthday this year…this is the first time I’ve been
really far from my family and friends for my birthday… I would surely miss
the calls that I would have received, but I am glad that I am still
remembered…and you all have different ways of letting me know… awww love
nyo ko talaga hehehehe…

Well…
now I have a new year to look forward to. And I have a feeling it would be more
interesting and life changing than it was before… One thing I’m sure of is
that I’m a different person now.. Gone are the days that I would let anyone
take the better of me… I have learned so many things, the hardest way
possible I guess…but it’s okay… I am fine and stronger, wiser and
better…i have learned to open up myself to people who matters… I have
always been so guarded yet I always get hurt… I’ve always been smart, yet
stupid in the love department ( Yeah Lyndon I know and I can imagine you
laughing right now and saying “i told u so” )  But you know what guys, I have so much to look
forward to now… yeah, I take it one day at a time now… not rushing anything
to prevent mistakes…

I
guess I want to THANK all the people that has always been, has been and will
always be a part of my life. In you, I find reason to go on. In you, I find strength
and courage to keep on fighting. Thank you for the support, the trust, the
love, the friendship and the honesty… of course, with no hatred whatsoever, I
want also to Thank the people who have hurt me… because of you, I am stronger
now. I’ve forgiven and forgotten. I hope if there were any person that I hurt or
unintentionally took advantage of, I hope you can forgive me.. being human that
I am, I also tend to make mistakes…

So
my journey continues…and I am more than excited to see what is bound to
come…  

I AM WRITING THIS FOR A FRIEND. I WON’T NAME NAMES ANYMORE
BUT IM SURE THAT PERSON KNOWS THAT I’M TALKING ABOUT YOU….

I am writing and talking from experience. I am no expert
when it comes to life and love but i have had my share of heart and soul
breaking pains from love as well as the glitz and glamour of being in love…

Sweety, life is ironic. It certainly is… we all go through
that.. planning, building our dreams for
someone who we feel is worth everything that we are doing, everything that we
are sacrificing for… and for a while the feeling is exuberating, you are high
and floating of doing everything in your power just to make that dream happen.
You give your heart and soul, your everything just to make that person happy
and contented to be with you and only you.  You get so inspired doing things for that
person… and that is when you lose yourself… you forget that you should also
be doing this dream because you are a part of it… it should be a two way
thing… but sad to admit, love most of the time is a one way thing… you give
more than you receive.  So when those you
call “BLOCKS” for building your dream loosen or disappear, so does your
dreams… and for a moment you feel that even you life and your purpose
disappears…you forget that you are a cast too… you forget that you should
have built that dream more for yourself than for any other selfish human being
who couldn’t help you go through the pain and the hardship of acquiring your
dreams… so, it leaves you broken. Shattered into pieces that you barely know
how you would get up again and pick up the pieces that’s scattered now everywhere…
you just don’t know how to move on….

So the sad and pathetic part of life comes in… without
even thinking about it, without actually intending to do so, you start to use
other people just so you can stand up again and pretend that you are strong and
you are not in the losing end… sure, you were left behind, but damn that
person, there will always be someone better to come along… that’s how we
think.. that’s how we want to believe… but in the deepest part of our hearts we know, we are not that
strong…perhaps we are not strong at all… but life and reality is harsh…
and if u let that take the better part of you, you will never be able to bounce
back again… so you turn to other people for support… just so u can move
on… without  even thinking about that
other persons feelings… you become selfish and thinking only of yourself…
and when you are back to your feet, only two things can happen, be happy with
that person u unintentionally used for that time being or go on with your life
alone, hurting someone in the process but thinking, what the hell, I was hurt
too… everybody deserves to feel the pain and the hurt that I’ve experienced.

Then the cycle begins again… so how do u know you’ve found
true love? I don’t know… that also is my question, one great person told me
his definition of true love is a love that never changes, no matter what, when
and where… if that person can love you at your worst and at your best then
that there is true love… what he said is true, but in this superficial world
that we live in, it is so damn hard to
find who is real and who is fake… the way i see it, true love requires 3 things,
effort, commitment and compatibility… I have read and been told that in the
Bible, love is a command… you make love happen. You make it work.

When life starts playing tricks on you… when you start
liking someone but never likes you back, yet there is that some other person
who loves you unconditionally but you can never bring yourself to love that
person…what do you do? I know, you complain… you question Him… why does
He give people who are not for us.. why do we have to feel something for
someone who can never reciprocate? Why can’t we even like that one person who
is more than willing to give up their lives for us?! What kind of tricks is
life playing on us this time? The sad part is, you will never know the answer…
so you come to a conclusion… a worn out phrase “it’s just not meant to be”
sure, it sounds pathetic, but really, that’s the only thing you can say if only
to make you feel better…

What i am trying to say is, you don’t stop living. You don’t
stop loving. You don’t stop believing. You don’t stop trusting just because you
got bruised. Just because you got so hurt and broken because you know you can
bounce back… and you will be better the moment you stand up again and face
life… Our journey doesn’t stop there. Sure, you may be hurt more after that
one fall, it might get more painful and soul breaking each time but remember,
YOU BECOME BETTER AND BETTER AFTER EACH FALL. Just make sure you stand up
again…Don’t worry about those lonely nights, those sad, crying times… if
you have to and you want to cry, just do so. Don’t stop yourself from
doing so…but limit the tears. give it 5 minutes, 5 days, 5 months…
but don’t go beyond that… healing takes time, sure it does… but you
don’t have to cry all the time… don’t waste your tears for someone
who doesn’t deserve them…. lonely moments, it will pass…. and you
will smile again…

I know it is hard. I know for a moment it seems like life
will never be okay again. But it will be. Just believe. .. and continue
trusting, My sister once told me, “ate, He is just preparing you for the right
one. You’ve had a taste a heaven already, you are almost there. Just hang on. And
keep believing.”   It is hard. It is so hard to do so…but you
have to. And when you do, you’ll be glad you did… there is so much more to
life than just pain and suffering…live it.

You told me something that touched my heart. Never think
that two people are worlds apart. They are now. In God’s eyes, we are all the
same. No one is above the other… I am touched and flattered by what you
said…but again we said, not all people are meant for us… i will always be
your friend. I do believe in your dreams and your capabilities.. i know you’ll
make it big… just keep doing it for yourself…for becoming a better person..
everything will fall into place… all according to God’s time and plans…
because He has mapped out our life already…even before we were born.. and He
knows what we need to become strong and worthy of His plans for us… all that we are experiencing, all that we are
feeling, all that we question…He knows…. and He will answer… in His
time…

Don’t stop loving just because you failed the first time, or
the second time or the nth time… there will come a day, you won’t be blinded
by the effects anymore… and you will do more beautiful and lasting ones…
and it shall be yours…

I’ll always be here for you. The way that you have been
there for me.