My NoT sO PeRfEcT LiFe…

thanks tin.. whatever your confusion is, you’ll get by it…. trust me.

"Somebody once told me that "finding the right person is very hard and
very wrong…it is best to be the right person for the one you love and
start from there…you’ll always end up disappointed when you set
standards and define a "right person" for you…and don’t rush things coz
somewhere, somehow, God is preparing somebody for you. Don’t be in a
hurry to get into a relationship because you can never find love if you
insist that you are already into it. Try to find time to really
understand your real feelings, to know who you really are, and what you
want in a relationship. You’re right, there’s no such thing as a
"perfect relationship," but there is a compatible partnership that goes
along with it. If you already knew that you’re too big to fit into a
small-sized t-shirt, don’t give it a try. You’ll probably break it and
pay for the damages you have made. If you knew and felt that the
relationship will not last, don’t go deeper into it. You’ll just suffer
the consequences and live like hell for the rest of your life. It’s
really hard to say goodbye though, but you can’t make it any better by
pretending you still have the same feelings. Try to let go and give
yourself a chance to live life to the fullest. Give yourself a chance
to grow and give your heart a much-needed attention. Then, you will
find that you have made the right decisions and you made it all by
yourself.We call it love when we can’t leave someone and see them
crying as we try to let go. We are wrong, it’s just pity…We call it
love when we’re too attached and think that losing the one we love will
somehow make us weak and unable to face the storms of life. We
misunderstood; it’s just that we’re too dependent on them.We call it
love when we give our whole life to them, the wholeness of us and
imagined that if they leave, no one would accept our past and us. We
are mistaken, it’s just insecurity.But no matter what the definition
is, the truth still remains that, love isn’t something you can buy or
beg. It is real and existing. You can’t touch it but you can feel it in
your heart. You can’t find it, but it will knock when you least expect
it to come. It can make you the happiest soul in earth, but don’t
forget that it can also make you the most miserable person in the whole
galaxy."

what is love?

Are your palms sweaty, is your heart racing and
is your voice caught within your chest??
-It isn’t love, it’s LIKE.

You can’t keep your eyes or hands off of them,
am I right??
-It isn’t love, it’s LUST.

Are you proud, and eager to show them off??
-It isn’t love, it’s LUCK.

Do you want them because you know they’re there??
-It isn’t love, it’s LONELINESS.

Are you there because it’s what everyone wants??
-It isn’t love, it’s LOYALTY.

Are you there because they kissed you, or held
your hand??
-It isn’t love, it’s LOW CONFIDENCE.

Do you stay for their confessions of love,
because you don’t want to hurt them??
-It isn’t love, it’s PITY.

Do you belong to them because their sight makes
your heart skip a beat??
-It isn’t love, it’s INFATUATION.

Do you pardon their faults because you care
about them??
-It isn’t love, it’s FRIENDSHIP.

Do you tell them every day they are the only one
you think of??
-It isn’t love, it’s a LIE.

Are you willing to give all of your favorite
things for their sake??
-It isn’t love, it’s CHARITY.

Does your heart ache and break when they’re sad??
-Then it’s LOVE.

Do you cry for their pain, even when they’re
strong??
-Then it’s LOVE.

Do their eyes see your true heart, and touch
your soul so deeply it hurts??
-Then it’s LOVE.

Do you stay because a blinding, incomprehensible
mix of pain and relation pulls you close and
holds you there??
-Then it’s LOVE.

Do you accept their faults because they’re a
part of who they are??
-Then it’s LOVE.

Are you attracted to others, but stay with them
faithfully without regret??
-Then it’s LOVE.

Would you give them your heart, your life, your
death??
-Then it’s LOVE.

Now, if love is painful, and tortures us so, why
do we love?
Why is it all we search for in life?
This pain, this agony?
Why is it all we long for?
This torture, this powerful death of self? Why?

The answer is so simple cause it’s…LOVE. It is
such an addictive thing that even people who are
not having it wish to experience it and share it
with others as well.

"you
want someone, who will always puts you as his first place, not just a
runner-up. all your life, you were never a runner-up in anything, you
tried and tried so hard not to be one, and this one won`t be your first
either."

got this idea from a friend. She said its rewarding to do something like this and I guess I agree with her…

This
is a piece of thanks to all the people who have touched my life one way
or another. you are the graces that I have received, beautiful things.
happy memories.

so
yeah, despite all the spirit / heart - breaking trials that happened
the past few years, months, days…. I REALLY AM GRATEFUL:

1.
for being brought up by two amazing people ( mama taught me everything
there is about life in her own ways, papa taught me to be strong and
willed) for never ending support and love you have extended me. we may
not meet each other eye to eye all the time…but I couldn’t ask for
anybody else to be my parents but you guys. I love you.
2. for my
brother macky, despite growing up, all our memories as kids will always
remain. and i love you even if we don’t really show it.
3. for maika
… for pretending not to be strong but deep inside i know you are. for
sharing years alone with you and knowing who and what we are.
4. for aiko… for being there all the time. despite the mood swings. I’ve always runned to you for help.
5. for mj… for making me see what I can be by being your yaya. for always being sweet.
6.
for kuya ed and ate gie… for being such great motivators…i know i
can always count on you..for showing me love and care as if im your
sister.
7. for Shane … despite the gap, the distance, and family
politics that we had… you remained the same person I knew before. and
for being there for me at that time and i know you’ll always be.
8.
for Lola Leony… for all that yo have instilled on me. For ever being
loving and supportive of all the things that we wanted to achieve. For
making me experience life outside the comformities of home. For still
being there… I know because I feel.
9. for tita isah and tito toto
& kids… for taking care of me while I was in CA. For tita, who
always have some words to lift me up.  For always caring and making
sure that I was okay. To Tito who made me smile all the time and who’d
leave work to pick me up. I sincerely appreciate it all.
10. for
tito pepe and tita ched…. for welcoming me into their home all the
time.  For their trust and respect. For showing me around despite
travelling far and spending too much. For tito, who’s guidance I’ll
carry with me in this new life that I am taking. My heart and prayers
will always be with you.
11. for Lai, Sha & Tin … for being
like my sisters while I was with them. Sha, for always making me smile,
never a dull moment. For Tin, for trusting me as well. you are a good
person and you know that. For Lai, for sharing everything to me, from
bed, clothes to life…God loves and have plans for all of us… thank
you for everything.
12. for tita ellen.. for accepting me in her home and being there. and for everything else. you know what those are.
13.
for tita daisy and tito dan… for tita who’s always there as well. for
supporting me. for tito dan … for making sure I know how special i
am. and that i can conquer the world.
14. for mommy lithe, ate beth and dan … for all the help and concern. for checking on me all the time it means a lot.
15. for kuya alvin … you are my brother. i love you to pieces. thank you for everything,
16. for ate jayne … thank you. for listening. for supporting. for the love.
17. for tito jun … you just never fail to amaze me. but thank you for checking on me always.
18.
for tita ut … your trust, your faith is inspiring. I’ll forever be in
debt to you for the teachings, the experience and understanding you
have given me. You make my spirit full. Thank you from the bottom of my
heart.
19. for tina & joice … for being my support and
strenght at the weakest point of my life. I can never thank you enough
for the patience of my everyday whims and complains in life. i love you
both.
20. for christine, jade, bianca, melo and paulette…our
friendship means everything to me. I may have many other friends
besides you guys, but the one that we share can never be shattered by
distance, time and differences that we may all have. thank you for
everything,
21. for tin tin and rach … a friendship that no matter
how different we may be, we click. Ate tin, for being there for me
despite the distance. You never stopped caring and i love you for that.
Irregardless of whatever happened before you remained a friend.
22.
for Rick… because of you I saw me in a different way. a good, better
way. and thank you forbeing there still. I completely enjoy time spend
with you. just don’t be depressed too much lol hehehe mwuah!
23. for
richard and ronald … for being a friend to me. we three knew what
we’ve been through. And Im so glad you guys were there to help me get
up and start my life again. I will always be here. will always be your
friend.
24. for Jayson… from high school up until now you remained
a friend. for being the only one who had enough confidence to tell me
when something is wrong with me but remaining sympathetic. I treasure
your friendship. you are a testimonial that guys and girls can be just
friends.
25. for Elmer … "mahal" for always having your shoulder
ready for me to cry on. for all the help you’ve extended to me and my
family.  you will always be remembered.

26. for Chang … for
being so nice. for all the things/ learnings you taught me… for the
time you spend with me, showing me places and good time. for filling up
the memory card of my camera..let’s fill it up some more what do u
think?… you are something. thank you from the deepest part of my
heart. For making me smile and laugh always. I enjoyed all the talk
that we had. about life, about religion everything. because of you, i
finally understood what matrix is all about lol. but thank you…for
the concern…

27. and to God… for all the blessings, all the graces, for all the trials…without you in my life…i know I wouldn’t be KAY

They say that life is a box of chocolates, you’ll never know what
you’re gonna get…. one minute you are enjoying the sweet, milky ones
and next minute you’re eating those bitter ones that not too many
likes…

it’s funny thinking about it though. those bitter dark
chocolates, they say are good for a persons health…but comparing
chocolates to real life, those dark ones are the challenges, problems,
difficulties that we encounter in our life…is it also good for us? i
guess at some point it is…because those things makes us stronger,
better and wiser in life…

but if life is a box of chocolates,
so are people. You’ll never really know what’s inside a persons mind.
some like it just sweet and delicious. that all things are going well
and smooth for them. some like it a bit bitter..you know, they like
feeling pain and hardship to get by life. some likes it with
variation…with a little cherry inside or coconut or caramel…they
don’t like just plain living….but all in all…they enjoy life.
whatever kind of chocolate they may be having.

the past 2 weeks
has been really hard for me. leaving my job, deciding to move (finally)
to another location that is really far from home… I am scared. I am
nervous. I get sleepless nights…but then, for those who know me,
really knows me..they do know that my fears won’t stop me from doing
what I’ve set my mind into doing. But i’m having mixed feelings right
now. I do miss home. I do miss my sisters and my brother and my
parents..i just don;t show it that much coz I don’t want to be backing
up and forgetting everything I’ve just made…I’m feeling sad lately.
down. but I have to snapped out of this soon…really soon coz its not
healthy. I have to go back to my perky self.

I am missing you.
but you don’t know it. I don’t what to let you know. I’m scared. oh my!
what’s with all these fears that I am having?!  Am I losing confidence
now? hmmm… dangerous…but yeah. i do miss.

why are dreams proving to be hard to achieve? why can’t one just be happy fulfilling his lifelong dream?

Sure,
obstacles are part of life. Part of how you will be molded to become
what and how you are… but then again, not all people are strong
enough to face and go through all obstacles that life brings… its sad
that sometimes, in ones quest of finding his dreams, one becomes too
weak and hopeless to just go on….so in the end, the person just gives
up. and just let time take its place and bring him whatever…so much
for dreaming, so much for hoping, so much for life…
how sad… how pathetic… how disappointing.

how
many more out there are like that? Am I going to be one? I am strong, I
know what I want…but up to what extent am i willing to go? how much
more of lifes jokes can i take? a person, no matter how strong and
willed also has a melting point.

I hope my faith will see me through… It’s been 27 years. its been a long time. it has to be soon if not now. I want a life…

I
trust that I can make it happen. Love can and will have to wait for
now…. reality check? I’m at a crossroad..I have yet to decide which
path to cross. God be my guide. I know He will lead me to the right
way.

I complain a lot. I cry a lot. I feel sad and down and
depress so often… but with my faith and my relationship with God. I
know i’ll make it through…

yes, dreams will come…. and oh
yes, dreams are hard to achieve…but always believe, no matter how
hard and painful, dreams can become a reality.

Yeah. Maybe its just the season, or maybe it’s just the in thing right now…
seems like everybody’s getting married…. planned or not..fact is, they are all walking down the aisle…

it gets a bit sad that people I know and care for are getting married already…kinda feel like im being left behind… these are the days that I can’t help but feel sentimental… they’ve found their happiness that most of us takes a lifetime to find… They are happy, their eyes are glowing, their smiles reaches their ears…and seeing them look at each other, there really is something about two people inlove, and how they look at each other makes people around them envious of what they are having…

sure, the future is unknown…they may not know what lies ahead for them, but this is the moment. and right this minute they are very much in love…and seeing people so in love with each other also gives you that hopeful feeling…hopeful that someday, you too, would be looking at somebody that is meant for you with so much love and joy and contentment…hopeful that there is also someone out there made just for you… somehow, when you see two people madly in love with each other, it makes you feel and believe in fairy tales once again…makes you wonder if forever do also exists for you….

I guess it does…for all of us… it just takes different time and moment for all of us… maybe for some, it will take longer than they expected, maybe for some its going to be tonight or tomorrow…but no matter…if one believes, it will come then it will come….

yes, patience…
yes, faith…
yes, hope…
yes, forever….

i believe
i hope
i pray
i trust
i wait…

don’t get me wrong, im happy for all of you… i sincerely am…
when you love and trust and believe in that magic that you call…
i feel the same for all of you. I too do trust and believe…
I’m with you….