My NoT sO PeRfEcT LiFe…

Last Monday was Lola’s 2nd year death anniversary. I wanted to write this last Monday pa but my schedule didn’t allow me to do so…

We went to Mass last Sunday because we know that we can’t all go for Monday Mass and we visited her na that day as well. …

Now that i’m writing this, many emotions are coming out… on things for sure, I MISS HER SO MUCH! while we were at church, i suddenly had a vision of lola and me. I remember those first Sunday masses wherein we go to church as early as 7am to attend the Mass being officiated by Mons. Manahan and the whole CWL group. After the mass aalalayan ko si lola papunta sa taas to have their monthly meeting, it will start with a prayer and then a brithday song for all the celebrants of that month. I remember viewing lola, she’s always seated alongside with the officers because she was their consultant. My lola, whom everytime she goes out, looks at us and smiles and ask "pantay ba?" ( referring to her blush on) or saying "maganda na ba lola nyo?" i felt like crying while we were at the church…

Then we went home to have lunch. Again, i miss lola. i looked around the house and asked myself, what would lola say or feel if she sees the house now? it’s totally renovated, though we kept the structure and a lot of materials pa din. would she like it? would she like the new garden? or the fact that we are putting a mini pool on our once kitchen? or would she approve that aiko and i are now using her room? i’d like to think that she approves and is happy with how the old house looks now….

while we were having lunch, again i remembered lola, how sobrang sarap nya kumain ng nagkakamay irregardless of what the ulam is… and then i remember how she laughs whenever she sees macky and say kamukhang kamukha ni vandolph si macky. only macky can make her laugh that way. i so miss her. how we make kwento and laugh during lunch or dinner.

I can see her face right now. how alive and happy it was before she was hospitalized. how i miss that face. that same smile that welcomes us whenever we go home to bulcan every week ends and she asks us " kamusta?" and she says " andyan na pala kayo" which kami, her apo’s ever pilosopo would answer "maganda pa rin po kami" or ‘ hindi lola, wala pa kami" on which she’ll reply "mga damuhong to" and then we’ll all laugh…

and then, i went up to my papa’s office last sunday. i checked out his door leading to the printing… there i saw lola’s chair. yung black na lazy boy. whom she alone uses because of tons of reasons =) hay lola, i still can’t accept that you’re not here anymore….

then i remember how lola use to baby me, when i was a kid, about mj’s age or younger. whenever lola goes out to but tela for her new dress, its automatic, i will have a new skirt or shorts matching hers or sometimes even a dress… i also remeber the times she picks me and macky from school.  or at the time that kuya alvin, ate che and kuya ed would tease me ’sipsip’ because im always at lola’s kandungan, resting my head on her tummy. i remember sleeping beside her at her room. those were the days of my childhood with lola. growing up, she’s always been so supportive of me and my siblings, she would give us extra money whenever we leave for school, or whenever she asked us to buy something for her she’ll give us the change. oh how she loves chowking’s halo-halo! and Max’s fried chicken, and there was even a time she was addicted to Kenny Rogers… hay lola, did you have to leave so soon?

but lola, if there is something that i am most thankful of, it’s the fact that you were able to see me grow…i am proud that i was able to make you proud, elementary you were all able to go up the stage for me, high school you were there to see me graduate, and college, you were still there… up until i opened my own business,despite having a hard time walking, you were there at the opening  to see me… and i can’t thank you enough for all the support you have given me… and i know that eventhough when i opened the spa at Katipunan months after you passed away, i felt your presence there. I know even from afar you are there to support me… and i love you very much. my only regret is that my sisters… aiko, you didn’t see her graduate from high school, though i know you wanted to coz you promised her and maika, you werent able to be there for her debut which i know you promised to shoulder the bills. but still i know you were there on those very special occassions. i want to cry right now, i don’t know if i still make sense… but i do miss you lola….

i just want you to know that even if its been two years or twenty years, you will always remain alive in our hearts… i know that the family is not very okay right now, but don’t worry lola, someday all your wishes and hopes for them will come true. don’t worry anymore, wherever you are, don’t be sad for us… i know you’ll be praying for us, please do kasi mas malapait ka na sa Kanya. I know you are happy now, sabi mo nga kasma mo na si lolo…

we miss you lola, we love you very much….. till we meet again..